I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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