halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
