After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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