My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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