not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
