I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
