Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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