He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
