I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
