I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
