it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
