the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
