I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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