so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
