Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
