i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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