You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
