You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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