Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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