Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
