I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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