she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
