wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
