oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
