fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
