I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
