I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize