he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
