Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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