shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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