We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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