Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
