Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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