My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
