There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
