you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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