Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
