well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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