new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
