she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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