we have pet lesbian snakes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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