Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
