He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
