my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
