Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
