We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
