Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
