i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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