Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
