It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Randomize
