but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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