So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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