Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
