Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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