I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
