omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
