Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
