ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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