I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
