clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
