Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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