Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
