he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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