Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
