this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
