Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
