so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize