You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
