I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
