He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
