I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
